How I feel about having Asperger’s Syndrome

First of all, on being diagnosed, I was relieved to have an answer to the many issues which plagued me when I was oblivious.

I moved on from this point becoming conscious of my symptoms, of my condition and felt (or feel) that I’m fundamentally inadequate.

There are concessions for me, like being a flexible thinker. Enjoying puzzles and games such as chess makes me happy. People say I’m smart.

How I feel about having Asperger’s Syndrome

Being in control

At this point in my life, I have found a means of controlling my use of drugs so that I’m not in any way putting myself in danger. The consequences of which mean that I need to remain on antipsychotic medication which is something I don’t want to maintain any longer than necessary – while I’m smoking weed, it’s always necessary.

I was thinking a little psychedelics could make for some good times as well, as I know that I can handle them, and they’re relatively safe – for me, in this way. However, this isn’t something I wish to incorporate into my lifestyle. I want to be drug-free, and happy and healthy – of coarse.

Then there is the occasional use of Ice which I happen to indulge in. I would like to refuse it but it seems to be what everyone likes doing from time to time. I can go without it, and that’s enough for me. At least I can smoke it now, instead of wanting to inject it. I was in a bad state there for a while – luckily, I had a friend who pulled me up on it.

Alcohol is something I started up again recently and will need to watch my self so that I don’t become an alcoholic again. Charles, my mate, drinks, and so does Em and most of the people I get along with drink. So why can’t I binge with them and not have a problem right away – I see no reason except that it might be habit forming, and so I’ll be better off moderating how much I drink too.

Then there are the cigarettes. They’re the bane of my existence! They really are. I need to refuse to smoke any more tonight, and tomorrow, and get back on track with quitting. I went over 3 weeks without not long ago and I’m sure that I’m going to have an easier time of it this time around. I really need to quit the weed and the cigs.

Being in control

I managed to do something productive

I did some work on my first draft of the self help book I’m working on. I was going to write something entirely unrelated but there I was working away studiously. I also wrote my good friend, April a poem in the email I sent I her.

My other friend, who wishes to be known as Charles, happened to call me while I was scouting for a place to write in town (as I said, I wanted to write somewhere there was a bench seat), and so I returned home without writing. Charles left and I went back out for that walk, to do some writing. But I wasn’t able to write right away after finding such a spot either.

Just when I was settling in to the benchseat for a writing session, my good friend, Jocelyn called me and we made plans to catch up tomorrow. She wants a new phone, and I want to show her some of the phones I was interested in. I’m also interested in swapping my s8+ for a note8, so maybe she’s interested in the s8+.

Other things I did today were: bring the bins out the back from out the front yard where they were, a load of washing, washed and dried, washed the dishes, went for two walks, folded up blankets (made my bed), made some calls to relatives and friends for the purpose of staying in touch.

So not a big day, by any means, but a day worth celebrating. I did more than I would ever have done, if I hadn’t broken out of my depressive state. Also, I’ve got to quit smoking again. I just butted out a nearly finished smoke early. I hope I can stick to this decision.

My data usage has by far exceeded my plan’s allocation of data this month. I’m up for an additional $80. 10Gb just sprang up in my usage, out of nowhere! I need to limit my usage until the 29th of this month – 12 days from now. I’m also decided on using my blog posts to help me beat my addictions. At least for the time it takes me to get clean, which is a goal of mine, of late.

I managed to do something productive

Half way there to quitting smoking

Apart from making a few good friends, recently – I’ve been on the up with quitting the ciggies. I’m smoking less than 10 a day which is supposedly the threshhold for stopping entirely.

My appologies for not being on here in the last week. I was a bit busy helping a mate move house. I also need to write my friend, April another email. The response I sent her the other night was pretty short, because I was using my phone and didn’t have the keyboard connected.

I did some walking today which was good, and I had a really decent lunch of rice with a curry stirfry on the side.

I also did no writing over the past week that I was away. I’m a bit lacking in motivation to write today (now that I’m free to write), I think, because I haven’t been thinking about it.

I’ve been working on myself and I don’t know how much longer I can be productive at that.

Half way there to quitting smoking

A little about my writing progress and what I think of all the writing tasks I’ve set for myself on a daily basis.

I’ve been too lazy to write so much right off the bat. I think I need more time to warm up to prolonged writing. The work on the story seems a little off because of the style I wrote the first few chapters, it would be better suited as a self-help type of book. I don’t mind writing about Asperger’s though.

The story a day challenge has annoyed me, as yesterday I didn’t write anything toward it but I wrote other things and did so many other things I wanted to do yesterday that I didn’t feel I was living up to my own standards, despite liking the maxim to write something/anything everyday. I think that’s so much more appropriate, too.

I’m not sure whether including emails and blogging as writing, or if that’s stretching it a bit. I think the blog should be adequate enough to count as writing for the day but then some of my posts are short and the style of my voice in writing blog posts is pretty relaxed. I don’t think that counts as challenging writing.

I think I should make a time frame to be actively engaged in writing. Since I’m not able to sit for prolonged periods and write (just yet), I think I’ll make my goal to write for half and hour to an hour in one sitting. I used to enjoy posting to forums and there is at least one forum I still have an interest in participating.

I have felt that my time spent on a forum (and all the posts I contributed) would be for naught, if it weren’t for the friends I made there. In a way, I don’t like this about posting to forums. It can’t be sold after that, and being that it isn’t a writer’s forum (and there are no writer’s like myself there), I find that my efforts stand out.

That would occupy a great deal of my time as well. I used to spend hours of my day thinking about topic posts, or subjects of interest, related to the forum activities and then post something well thought out or opinionated. The response I recieved was amazing, I miss that but I don’t need it. It was a great community though – before it closed down.

I might be quitting really hard – the cigarettes that is – but I’ve just made a coffee and am after a smoke right now. Sorry, but i will stop altogether, just mornings are so difficult. Thanks for being there for me.

A little about my writing progress and what I think of all the writing tasks I’ve set for myself on a daily basis.

Back at quitting for good!

So I’ve been back on the ciggies again and I’ve become partially addicted once more but I’m not too worried, because I’ve decided to go the rest of today without another one.

Also, I have some time to myself, at last. I’m going to write about gambling, because I’m sitting in a venue and find the noise polution is too much to focus on my other writing/story ideas right now.

One idea involves the revelation of fear of being out of control – or is that a need to be in control, I think the latter. Anyway, it involves the life of a drug addict who finds that once he’s able to do drugs (there are good reasons this person couldn’t) he finds that he no longer needs them.

I was also thinking of a writing piece that interested me, today, and considered sharing it here in my blog for the benefit of whoever might read it. Then I considered that it might need to be removed from here, if I were to publish it (legal grounds dictate their publications aren’t promoted elsewhere).

I’m out of here for now, guys. I have a reply email from my good friend in Kansas who I haven’t heard from in a few days. Frankly, I was a little concerned for her, because she hadn’t mentioned going away, and her reply emails are usually quite forthwith.

Back at quitting for good!