There is a lot of frustration for me in the mornings. Mum sleeps until late in the morning, and I need to be quiet and refrain from making noise which could wake her. I’m also struggling with boredom at that time because I’m not much of a morning person, and because I don’t handle boredom well. So, I’m looking for ways to distract myself from smoking throughout those hours between when I’ve woken up, and when mum gets out of bed.
It reminds me of prison in a way. During the morning we would be locked down for a period of time before typically being let out of our cells for breakfast and to do what we liked before getting outdoor privaleges. It could be frustrating to be stuck inside a cell. There was so little to do in there. I hate tv, don’t really get into music enough to enjoy the radio station on the tv, and writing and reading had become my only allies. Of a morning, I would read, shower, make a cuppa, and then read some more before the door was unlocked.
This morning, I couldn’t find the writing magazine I’ve been reading through and working through the writing prompts. It was in my backpack next to this keyboard. I’d checked my backpack as well but didn’t find it the first time around. I ended up smoking a lot of cigarettes, until I found it – on a subsequent check through. The writer of the previous article I read in it talked about goal setting using the SMART method; Specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. Interestingly, I use this method occasionally but never for writing projects. I suppose I like to keep myself free for other pursuits and don’t like being tied down to one project for too long.
At least this avoidance to serious work is only a recently developed habit. I’ve been working in short bursts because of the nature of prison life, and my time spent away from computing/and the internet, working for prolonged periods makes me weary and I get a little anxiety over the things I could be doing instead. For example, I like to get all my washing done, have my bed made, and be freshly showered, before I settle down to writing. And that’s not usually until I’ve had several cups of tea or coffee, something small to eat (something I haven’t been doing lately is eating breakfast), and be without any jobs to do. I write best during my more active waking hours. Sometimes this is late at night, other times it could be during the middle of the day or the afternoon.
I’m going to work on my novel a bit more today. I haven’t touched it for several days and have developed a direction for the story to progress in. I’m still lacking a good follow up and aren’t set on my current direction but being that it’s the first draft and this issue is holding up progress, I might as well proceed and repair it later, if need be. Here goes nothing, wish me well!