This house has been sold so it looks like I got out just in time. I’m moving to within walking distance of La Trobe University. I’ll be able to save money on petrol. And it looks like I’ll be able to do a little downloading again, since there is internet included in the boarding costs.
I won’t be able to afford to smoke anymore, nor will I be able to smoke billies once I’ve moved in there (at least at home). I’m going to have to put in a determined effort to quit before I move out of here, if I’m going to be able to live with the other smokers without asking them for cigarettes. I really don’t want to make that first impression.
There are a couple of cute girls living in the share house. I’ll have to be careful not to let anything happen or develop between us, so I’m not at risk of mixing business and pleasure. I owe “Charles” my gratitude for reminding me of this point, after mentioning the girls to him. I suppose I took his advice on board, again. He often opens my eyes to socially correct behaviour.
Charles has a really good moral compass. I’ve approached him for advice a couple of times and he hasn’t disappointed me. He’s upbeat, and doesn’t mess around with other drugs on a regular basis. Ideally, I’d like to give everything away and be completely straight, and a non-smoker. Charles would do well for himself to stop messing around with the other stuff, like myself. He’s really nice and that world isn’t. I’d hate to see him go down that road, but I’d like to believe he has enough moral fibre to prevent himself from becoming like that.
I, like he agrees, need to get off the weed before I get off the antipsychotic medication. I certainly don’t believe it’s worth the concession for the privilege of smoking weed. And I don’t need weed while I’m trying to complete a BA at uni. Besides this, the thought just occurred to me that my mental health could become a problem, if I don’t kick the weed completely, once I’m off the meds.
I’ve been trying to kick the ciggies, and in the process I’ve attempted to cut back on my coffee consumption by switching to tea. I’ve been drinking Earl Grey. It’s nice without milk and with, and I can add little or much sugar without the tea tasting bad. I find it a little more relaxing and myself less effected by the caffein.
I’m breaking the general rule of thumb by speaking about my weed smoking habits online. I don’t mind overlooking rules at times when it’s to my benefit. In a way, I think that being able to express myself at length about it, I’m able to uncover unknown parts of myself, and in turn learn something about myself. I need to do such “exploring” maybe to a greater extent than the neurotypical person needs to. That sort of self exploration is probably negligable in comparison to the degree and spectrum which I need to observe.
I’m really looking forward to this move! I’m going to be at my desk a lot and reading a fair bit more. I have a couple of books on English I’d like to read. Rare survivors of my almost completely anihilated library. I also borrowed a book from the library which was too interesting to put back, titled: ‘Writing in an age of Silence’, Sara Paretsky. I’ll let you know what it’s like.
I’ve pulled out all the Vita games from my bedroom and stowed them in the lounge room table’s drawer cavity which mum and I use as a storage area. I haven’t played many of them, and I plan on going through them all over the next couple of days. The Vita gets about 3 and a half hours battery life, and charges in a little under 2 hours that leaves me with about half an hour play time per game and about 2 charges (3 battery loads per day) and that will equate to about 3 days total.
I’m currently playing Street Fighter X Tekken, and so far it looks good. I’m a little disappointed with the use of the rear touch pad for controls but at least they made use of the available space to add L3 & R3 buttons. It’s an Alpha version of Street Fighter in use, so I’ll pick it up easily since my PS1 versions were Alpha EX and EX2 Plus. I’ll have to get another copy, if there’s a 2 player capability built into the game.
I just checked out the multiplayer functions of Street Fighter X Tekken. It looks like there’s a possibility. I think Ad-hoc is meant to be it. Also, there’s a place to set up your own channel, so I suppose it wouldn’t be inconceivable to have a friend join your channel for a game of Street Fighter. At least the characters actually make contact in this version of Tekken X Street Fighter. I was concerned about that, after realizing there was little to no actual contact in my friends version of Tekken on Xbox360 which for some reason isn’t working anymore.
I’m going to ask my cousin, Steve if he still has that old xbox360 sitting there for me. He said I could have it, if I came to pick it up. We’ve been meant to catch up since I got out of remand but he’s had a shitty run in his love life and he’s now patching things up with his partner, so I might leave the xbox issue alone for the time being. I want to see how he’s doing because he’s stopped communicating on fb since posting a public message saying he was going offline for a few days, that was almost a month ago.
Here is a list of the Vita games I own: Fifa 14; Street Fighter X Tekken; Gravity Rush; Lumines – Electronic Symphony; Mary Skelter – Nightmares; Tearaway; Persona 4 Golden; Criminal Girls 2; Rayman Legends; Mortal Kombat; Big Little Planet; Metal Gear Solid – HD Collections; Final Fantasy X/X-2; Borderlands 2; Trigger Happy Havoc – Danganronpa; and some other Japanese games which are almost as unplayable as Danganronpa was. I would have enjoyed it, had I not been obliged to click on everything in each environment – tedious asf!!
I’m writing this blog post while my friend “Charles”, and my mother are here. I feel rude while writing here but somehow this is more acceptable than both playing on the PS Vita, and my phone, or maybe I just feel it’s so. I’m ignoring them very little, while I’m doing this, however. I can take a break to join in the conversation whenever I like. It’s funny how a portable gaming console is less socially acceptable than me using my phone, or writing on my phone with the external keyboard. I came across the issue on youtube the other day and found it facinating.
I’m back on IRC. I was invited to an IRC (by an admin member) to an openasd channel which so far seems to be inactive during my active hours. ASD obviously referring to Autism Spectrum Disorder. I really struggled with my diagnosis, but found great refuge, and outlet in freedom of expression with other people with an ASD. At times I felt so inadequate, I wanted to end it all.
I’ve brought myself out of my suicidally depressive state by use of goal setting. Each day, I would set myself 3 small goals, and I did feel like I had accomplished something after doing them all. I’ve moved on from then and do those things with some enthusiasm now, as my goals have risen to greater heights, of studying at university again, and of those I’ve accomplished already, that of getting a car, and replacing my gaming means since selling my gaming laptop. I miss playing ‘Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds.’ I own it, and many other games (on steam), for life.
I used to have so much fun on the synthetic, and now I regret that I used to do it at all. I wish I hadn’t got into it, and the amount of money I had accumulated in my bank while staying at Vahland House, which was meant for the bond and rent in advance on my next house/flat, went on synthetic weed instead. My friends who were staying at my house insisted on staying there longer due to cleaning up the house before my arrival. I suppose they put a lot of effort into it, but the lack of support was quite profound. It was nice having them around despite them leaving owing me money.
Another time further on (after Tom and Andrew moved out), there was a demonstration in town again building the world’s biggest mosque in Bendigo (where there are four Muslims in the region). I had taken out a loan the previous day and bought a camera for the event. I was going to post photos online but Tom took not one useable photo. He later told me that he, and Andrew are “pro-mosque.” I couldn’t believe the betrayal. I don’t know whether to consider him a close friend anymore. I kind of got him back for what he did, so he could be being friendly to get close to me in order to fuck me over, again.
I’m not smoking a cigarette today. I’m taking sneaky billies in my room when mum goes to the toilet. She’s cooking later on, and I’m probably going to dismantle my bed in my room, so I’ll have ample opportunity to smoke while I’m in there. But I really want to stop smoking altogether. I’ll see how I’m doing tomorrow after one day of not smoking a ciggie, and with limited smoking. I’ll have to watch my intake. Maybe switch to smoking backie cones tomorrow instead of weed, and further reduce my intake that way. Maybe allow myself one every hour and a half or longer.
I spoke with my Dad, recently. I told him that I was looking for a place to live, and he thought I meant that I was looking to move in with him. He replied saying that he didn’t have the space in his home to put me up at the moment. I thanked him anyway. It was nice of him to think of me regardless, I suppose I’m just not used to the idea of my own Dad not knowing me better. I would naturally ask for a place in his home, if I wanted it. He misgave me his support.
I’m happy with my decision to remain in the area. I can’t live so far away from everyone I love and care about for the satisfaction of living in the warmer climate of Queensland. My Dad barely knows me, and my siblings (mostly) seem to be either living their own lives, or are separated from my dad through divorce. I would like to spend some time with my dad, and get to know him and my brothers’ and sisters’ on his side but it’s just not a viable option for me while I’m taking on this bachelors degree.
I have a few aspie traits which I’m not happy about. I tend to tell stories in a much longer fashion than necessary; I get excited at times and say whatever’s on my mind without thinking; I get locked into topics and want to talk about the same thing at length; and there’s another thing which might not be related to my condition but which of coarse is made more difficult because of that, my unusual understanding and approach to certain topics. I sometimes don’t have feelings about things which have hurt me personally in the past. I think I’ve come to block it out, or maybe I can’t cope with my feelings about it so I refuse to engage emotionally.
I had just got out of court for assaulting a man who was wrestling me and restricting me from moving. I had only kicked him in the shin with runners as he refused to let me go. It’s a little more complicated than that, I’ll be honest, but the fact remained that I ought to have been excused on grounds of self defence but my legal aid lawyer refused me that option, saying it would be too difficult.
This court case hearing was happening while I was unwell. I’d left the court house and saw a burly man crush a boy neck first into a handrail before stomping down a younger girl on the footpath trampling her feet in the process. He then picked her up and layed her face down on his lap as she kicked and screamed. I walked up behind him with a knife and slid the blunt side of the blade across his throat before putting it away. I pursued him into an office he had locked himself inside and broke the office window before the police arrested me. I spent four and a half months in remand and was facing two years jail time inclusive. I was giving some leniency because I wasn’t well at the time and with treatment my behaviour is good.
My mate might be leaving shortly. “Whenever”, he says. That will leave me doing my bedroom chore on my own. I don’t really care because I know it wont take me long. It will give me a chance to smoke a little though, so I’ll wait for as long as I can, before I do it. I have a bit of a headache, and spewed up my very strong coffee which I made myself accidentally this morning. I’m drinking water in the hopes that I’m just lacking fluids.
I slept well, last night. I’ve been using two light woolen blankets of a night on my bed and sleeping in my clothing beneath them. I’m grateful for my friend’s advice on sleeping in pants. That you shouldn’t wear them the following day. I haven’t had a shower today, because I’ve been entertaining my mate, “Charles” who stayed over last night.
I’m wondering whether I co-operated with staff in remand too much. I mean I’m not as adverse to answering questions as I used to be. I suppose I needed to co-operate with the psychiatrists, and other mental health workers in order to be treated properly, and I have to admit it has helped me rebuild my life from the mess that it had become. I’m regaining my thirst for success.
I went to visit my cousin who is struggling at the moment. She doesn’t know what she’s doing at the moment, according to her. She went to the train bridge thinking of suicide. Her boyfriend is a poor support for her as he wants to continue using ice and she doesn’t want to engage with drugs anymore. She’s been free from weed for many years now and noticed her boyfriend offering her billies more than once. I told her that I didn’t think she could use his support.
I’ve been using a free subscription of Google Play Music and found a beast mode radio amongst the hiphop / rap radio stations. It isn’t too bad, and I’m loving the lack of ads. The app proves to find quite a lot of albums and songs by artists I usually struggle to find online, and much better search results than spotify has for the same searches. I also found the Freeview app which allows you to watch free to air tv on your phone. I wish I had been offered this plan with 60Gb earlier this year, when mum could have enjoyed her favorite programs on tv while we’ve been living here.