I’m really interested in taking up the writing and editing course at TAFE next year but I’m equally interested in moving north to a warmer climate and more personal freedom. I’m not sure which to do. If I stay, I might need to move closer to TAFE so either way it looks as though I’ll be moving at around the same time (as my lease ends around the time the course begins). I could renew the lease, of course, but then I would be obligated to travel to and from TAFE most days, and of course, committed to life in a colder environment – but it might be worth travelling for class attendance as my location is pretty good at the moment. I suppose I’ll just keep readdressing this issue until I come to an emotional conclusion.
They say writing is a very personal experience, that a writer should write for themselves first. Stephen King says, in his novel ‘On Writing’ that having the belief of a loved one as a constant source of support helps a lot, because writing is a very lonely occupation. So how would a person, namely myself, reconcile an adverse belief from their most cherished, only parent? Where would such a grown up writer to be find consolance of confidence if not from within their very own being?
I’m at this juncture now. I feel as though my writing is worthless, my thoughts never needing be printed due to my own lack of originality, or inspiration, a general sense of worthlessness, all stemming from my Mother’s careless approach with my writing, my anything, really, which has partially crippled me in that I’m unable to trust myself to write whatever I’d like to, to feel free to act on my own accord is another crippling disadvantage my Mother has left me with and this stems mainly through her controlling and domineering and abusive parenting style.
Writing for myself is a lot like writing to myself. So in a way, while I’m writing a story I’m actually telling myself that story. Then I have to edit out everything which is irrelevant to the story so during this stage I’m cutting out what doesn’t seem right to another person reading it. Then I’m going to look at it from another person’s perspective so I’m literally shaping a part of myself for someone else’s senses – which I suppose is okay seeing how I’m only removing what I didn’t need/want to say anyhow, and that I’m free to leave any of that which ought to be cut out. I suppose it depends on what sacrifices or concessions I’m willing to make on the story I’m telling as to whether I should leave irrelevant parts of myself in the story which add nothing and which do not progress the story at all.